A rant? I think it’s time.

It’s almost Christmas.

Am I excited? Not really. The girls are, as they should be. And I hope the day lives up to the hype they have planned in their minds. Nothing is worse than a huge let down on Christmas. 

Actually I would be a lot more excited if I wasn’t sitting here on the precipice of what is being hailed the worst ice storm in 2 years. I don’t do well without electricity. I seriously feel ill without it. I am so glad I wasn’t raised Amish. Although I do think their furniture and quilts are amazing. Anyway. So yea, wide spread power outages are likely. Which usually means we are screwed for 3-7 days. Sometimes longer, sometimes less. So will Christmas be in the dark? Will all these amazing electronic gadgets I bought the girls go unused? Stay tuned.

On another note, while I don’t really like to comment on popular media crap, this Duck Dynasty, Phil Robertson, thing has me a bit at odds with other people. I see all these posts on my Facebook “I support Phil Robertson!” “Thank God for our First Amendment rights!” “God Bless Phil!”. 

Seriously?

Someone better bless him, cause from what I have seen that he has said in articles and Youtube videos, he is a hate mongering, uneducated, homophobic, racist redneck.

Too harsh? 

Sorry that’s just my First Amendment right kicking in. Have all the Phil Robertson supporters even read the article in its entirety? Have they searched out other things he has said?  Let me directly quote one of his soapbox moments.

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

Sorry guys. That’s like 99.9% of you that have just been ousted from entering Heaven according to the Almighty Phil Robertson. Oh, and let’s not forget that excludes him too. Not only was he an alcoholic, but he also beat Miss Kay. Oh AND Duck Dynasty production was halted because the family (The Robertsons) felt they deserved more money. Well that seems a little like greed to me. And slanderers… wtf do you think it is when someone compares someone else to someone who has sexual intercourse with animals?  If that ISN’T slander, well then I am obviously planning on going into the wrong profession.

 The beauty of this guys words doesn’t stop with that quote. No, no, let me continue. One more quote from the great mind that is Phil Robertson.

“All you have to do is look at any society where there is no Jesus. I’ll give you four: Nazis, no Jesus. Look at their record. Uh, Shintos? They started this thing in Pearl Harbor. Any Jesus among them? None. Communists? None. Islamists? Zero. That’s eighty years of ideologies that have popped up where no Jesus was allowed among those four groups. Just look at the records as far as murder goes among those four groups.”

Really? So apparently these groups of people have no Jesus! And they are murderers. 

All of these groups (Redneck genius included) believe in a higher power. Who is anyone to tell them what higher power is the correct one? How do you know that you aren’t all praying to the same God. It’s more than likely that you are. I was especially tickled that he said it was “80 years of ideologies”. I like to think of myself as pretty well educated. But I am pretty sure….almost certain even, that all of those “ideologies” are hundreds, if not thousands of years old. I know for a fact Islam is AND Christianity. But it doesn’t matter. Those groups don’t have Jesus. And you know when you have Jesus you don’t murder people. 

Wait…

 “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

I’m sorry, someone remind me who keeps going to all these wars and sends drones and says “Oopsie” when innocent foreign lives are lost and moves on like nothing happened? 

Oh that’s us? Shit. We better get some Jesus America. 

Let me just re-establish my point people. If you are going to stand behind a bearded redneck because he makes you laugh for an hour a week, know your facts. And seriously get better role models. Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, ANYONE that has made more of a difference in this world than shooting some animals and acting like an idiot on reality television. 

If you don’t at least question your stance on this issue I hope you are happy when we have Snooki and Jwoww for president and vice-president one of these days. Come on America. No wonder we are hated.

 

Mellie Out.

I am the worst blog keeper ever…

It’s true, I really suck and keeping up with this blog. With Facebook and Skype I forget about it. But I have special place in my heart for this blog because it allows me to vent and bitch and complain and spread my bad attitude to the masses. So let’s see if I can accomplish that today.

I haven’t written since April. Hmmm. What has changed since April?

Well, Jules started 4th grade and Kenz started 1st. Kenz lost a front tooth. Jules still has the attitude of a 16-year-old.  Jason is still the same. I don’t think he will ever change. I am glad though, he always is the one constant in my life. What has changed with me… I am still in school. Still kicking ass at it. Still waiting for the classes to actually get hard. Some have been challenging, but I wouldn’t say hard. I now have like 73 credits under my belt. I think that’s pretty good for only starting in August 2012.  I quit smoking somewhere in the time between April and now, but then I came to my senses and started again.

Anxiety-wise I am goodish. I still have my days. The winter doesn’t help with anxiety. Constantly worrying about ice storms and blizzards and power outages, and our parents falling and hurting themselves, it’s just a lot. The lack of sun doesn’t help either. I do go to the doctor when I need to. Well let me revise that. I go to the doctor IF I have to and can afford it. Otherwise I am the same old Mellie. I have actually been having an issue since September that I was referred to a specialist about, needless to say I am still having the issue cause I didn’t go. And I won’t go unless it leads to an Emergency room visit. Don’t judge me.

Gabe came back into my life. That was probably one of the biggest changes since my last post. To explain how much of a weight has been lifted off me with his return is inexplicable. We don’t talk as much, but we talk. That’s enough for me. He’s alive, he’s somewhat reachable, and he is okay. With that being said, keep your hateful comment to yourselves about what you think about him or the situation, cause honestly, I couldn’t give two shits for your opinions.

That sounded hateful didn’t it?
Well, Merry Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, ‘Tis the season apparently. I literally have 0 time and 0 money for this holiday. And didn’t we just celebrate Christmas? Why is time going by to quickly? I swear I just took the tree down like 2 weeks ago. (That’s probably not far from an exaggeration.) On a serious note, I did some shopping, put some crap on lay away for when I can afford it, and will fight the crowds the day before Christmas to get the rest.  Some things never change.

And I must mention the cost of the things on my little cherubs Christmas lists.
“Oh darling of course I will get you a Kindle, an iPhone, a 3DS, all the Barbies I can find, and Sophia the First crap. Why wouldn’t I? It’s not like you haven’t been the most perfectly behaved children this year right? ”

You shall get rocks from the alley you little heathens.

I made the Santa videos and I made them both say nice, but only because the last time I made a Santa video that said she was  naughty I was sure I had traumatized Julie.  It was hilarious to me, not so much to her or Kenz. Apparently this Santa shit is serious.

I miss the days when I believed a big fat man in an unfashionable red suit would bring me whatever my heart desired. If I asked for a Cabbage Patch, or a New Kids on the Block tape you can bet it would be there. Why? Because I was an angel. I can’t even think of something I asked for for Christmas that was more than 20 bucks. The gall of these children!! And the funny part is, if you ask them if they would rather have a Kindle or electricity they always pick the Kindle.  At least they have their priorities straight.

All in all my kids are pretty damn good. For everyone else. You know the people who wouldn’t even consider spending 500 bucks on electronic gadgets that will zombify their minds. The more I rant about the girls the more I realize that they are a product of me. Which makes me look like an ass.

I hate it when I have breakthroughs.

Mellie Out

Animal Breeder?

Whats up readers?

I got some time on my hands tonight so I figured what the hell? I will charm some people with my wit with another lovely blog post. I should point out first that the name of my blog is becoming more and more perfect as the season goes on. In fact today we were in a Winter Weather Watch and a Tornado Watch.  Welcome to Oklahoma. So maybe I will change the name to TalesfromtheBiPolarstateinHell. I dunno, that’s quite the mouthful.

It is a downpour right now outside. Lightening and thundering and the whole 9 yards. Oh well. The tornado risk is zero so I am okay.

What’s new….Well I started another class this week. Career and Business Success or something like that. It’s so freaking boring. And I don’t think the professor appreciates my humor. He was telling us we needed to learn to sell ourselves. So being the smart ass I am I said “I thought I was past the time in my life.” All I got was a “Wow.” and then some awkward silence. Loosen up dude! It’s a dumb class that isn’t required for my degree, you are lucky I grace you with my presence. I will wear him down though. Mark my words.  I was doing my homework for the class today and we had to take a personality traits assessment. Then with the 3 letter code we got afterwards we were supposed to look at careers that best supported these traits. Somehow I got animal breeder.

Animal Breeder. One who breeds animals. Do they know me? I have a pet cemetery in my back yard for fucks sake. I don’t make animals. I kill animals. My cat has only lived this long because she has learned to be self-sufficient. Izzy the dog has only survived this long because…Well I don’t know why she is still alive. So then I looked again and realized I had put in the wrong letters. First off I got Artistic. Let’s examine this. I cannot play an instrument. I cannot paint or draw. I sing, but not great. I write but not well. I dunno where the hell this came from. I could have added the numbers wrong. I need to ask about that actually.

Anywho, the second biggest trait I got was social. Okay. I do like to talk to people who don’t aggravate me. But I prefer my people talking at a distance. I am likable. I really just laughed as I typed likable. I was actually telling a friend about this test today and she goes “But you have to be nice to do that.” Touche. I am pretty nice though. I would give you the shirt off my back if you promised to replace it within the week with something that cost twice as much. Now who can say that? I do like people. Especially idiots. Gives me something to talk about later in my blogs. So yea I guess I am pretty social, says the girl with social anxiety.

The last trait was Investigative. Now, I thought this hit the nail on the head for me until I read the description. I thought investigative would consist of being sneaky and underhanded to gather information. Or paranoid even. All the things I can do. Distrust-fullness would lead a person to be investigative. Nope apparently it means that I like dealing with concrete thinking. I am a problem solver. I like math and science.

THAT IS NOT ME AT ALL!

So I had to write an essay about the results. And it took everything I had not to just say “This quiz was a bunch of shit that told me nothing.” I wanted to do that, but I couldn’t figure out how to stretch it out to 600 words. So I used the artistic side of me and fictionalized what I really thought about the quiz into something like “Wow, this has really shown me some career options I wouldn’t have normally considered…Blah Blah Blah give me an A please.”

I think my results should have been more like Sarcastic, Needy, and Lazy. Yep, THAT I could have easily seen myself in. And my career choice would be: Government official.

Anywho, I better get this saved and posted before my electricity goes out. Hope you all enjoyed! I will try to blog soon.

 

Mellie Out.

I know, it’s about time.

Hey all,

I don’t really even know if I have any followers anymore. But as you know, I’ve never really cared. I last posted in September. It’s March. Damn. So things have of course changed in my life since September. Izzy the dog got moved outside. She became too big to live happily inside. And she began too loud for me to let her happily live inside. The girls are still doing well in school. Kenzie is in Kindergarten and reading at a first grade level in their nine month. And Julie is in 3rd grade, losing her love for all things school. I knew this day would come but it’s still sad. The hubby is still the hardworking bread-winner he has always been. No real change with him.

And me. Well, I am completely different.

I sit here right now and it’s almost midnight. I have been sick all day. Running a low-grade fever, coughing my lungs out, and just generally achy as hell.  Here’s where the questions start. Why am I not talking to Gabe? And whining to him about how shitty I feel. I can and can’t explain that all at the same time. I haven’t spoken, Skyped, texted, or any sort of communicated with Gabe since October 8th. We didn’t have a fight. We didn’t tell each other goodbye. He fell off the face of the Earth.  Actually I don’t know what happened to him. I may never know. So now it’s just me. I felt like I was more interesting when I had him around honestly. Someone that actually listened to my bullshit. Now I don’t get close or really carry on a conversation with anyone that lasts more than an hour because I fear the same thing happening.

You don’t talk to someone everyday for two years straight and then suddenly lose them without feeling a little burned and gun-shy. I would love to have a best friend like him again. Actually I would love to have him back. Forget someone new. I would just like to know what happened to him. Even knowing he still is alive would be adequate. But life doesn’t give you what you want. So if some of you decide to come out of the woodwork and try to talk to me about what happened to Gabe, I don’t know. Let’s just hope he got tired of me.

Moving on.

I am STILL in school. That’s right, I am still chugging away at classes for my bachelors degree. I’ve completed 7 classes, my lowest final grade was an A-. I challenged out of one class. So a total of 8 classes finished really. I’ve attempted 32 credits and gotten them all. I am in 2 classes right now, and I am pretty confident I will pass them with an A also. I am pretty proud of myself. Last session I had Business Algebra. I was SURE I was going to fail it. But I actually learned it. Amazing. An old dog can learn new tricks apparently. I was a little over-confident in the first couple classes because it was about stuff I thought a 9  year old should know. And I carried that attitude into the harder classes and was swiftly proven wrong. My first B was a devastating day. My first (and only) F caused me to rethink the whole college thing. But I bounced back. And I am glad I did. Once these lame core classes are out-of-the-way I am looking forward to learning real life stuff.

School could be why I haven’t blogged as much. When you are churning out 10-20 pages a week, the last thing you feel like doing is writing more. But I figured today was as good as day as any to get back to it. To give a little update.  I miss venting to anyone who reads this. I miss venting in general. Right now I miss the ability to breathe easily through both nostrils. This flu bug isn’t to be messed with. It knocked me on my ass quick.  I took a NyQuil hoping to get some sort of relief but all it seems to be doing is making me agitated. That’s just my luck.

It’s been so long since I have blogged that I am not sure what to catch everyone up on. I missed blogging on Christmas, and New Years, my birthday…. Most of those things were just another day. Nothing special. Kind of what I expected. We had a blizzard last weekend and were without power for like a day and a half. That was fun. We had a generator though, so we were luckier than most.

Anxiety wise, doing well. Still going to the doctor when I need too. (Mostly) Still going to stores when I need to. I guess you could say I am back to normal, not that I ever was normal to begin with. I still have days where I want to curl up in a ball and ignore the world. But I think even people without anxiety do. I feel like this has been the most boring read yet. Sorry about that. Just not in the mood to vent tonight. I will think of something to vent about again soon. Someone has to piss me off sometime.

Mellie Out

Something Near and Dear

Yesterday my slumber was awoken by the t.v. proclaiming there was late breaking news. And me, being the ever curious person I am, opened my eyes to see what it was. I honestly expected it to be something about the upcoming presidential election, or a wild-fire again. I was wrong. I wish I hadn’t been, because the news was devastating.

A 13-year-old boy in a town here in Oklahoma somehow got a gun into his junior high school and took his own life in front of classmates and faculty before school started.

Why this affected me so much I can’t tell you. I am no professional in mental health. Or a trained educator who is taught to deal with troubled youth. I hope to be one day. But I am not yet.

I have and have had numerous people in my life who have attempted and succeeded in taking their own lives. Luckily most who attempted didn’t succeed. I have talked people off the brink numerous times. I use love, I use emotional blackmail, I use tough love, I use whatever it takes to make them rethink their whole idea. I can’t see the good it will do the person to end it all when there is so much life in them yet to live. And when they just want to end the pain, I just want them to see the good. It’s tough to be in either position. But more so in the other persons shoes.

So I read about this teenager. I wanted to know what led him to this. I wanted to know if warning signs were there. I wanted to know if it could be prevented.

Well like all other times a big story happens there is speculation and 10 different versions of what happened. Some said he was bullied. Some said his girlfriend had broken up with him and he couldn’t handle it. Some said he had a history of depression and it just got to be too much.

We can learn something from all three scenarios. Let me start with bullying. I will not be a hypocrite and say I have never said an unkind word about people or to people. Come on, you’ve read my blog. I threaten bodily harm quite frequently. I do it in jest. Mostly. But I realize this isn’t fair. That’s an excuse. I am a bully. I have been in cliques. I have been in the uncool gang too. I have been bullied. I haven’t been beaten up or anything drastic. But I have close friends and family who have.

How do we stop this? How would you as a parent feel if it was me or anyone else ambushing your sweet defenseless child for no good reason. I could go after the color of their hair. Their clothes. Their weight. So many things that fuel bullies that we cannot change. But we can change how we teach our children. We do not have to tell them to beat the shit out of the bully to teach them a lesson. Although I am not saying that won’t work. I am telling you as a parent to teach your child to seek refuge in you or anyone they trust and love, and make sure they know that you will protect them and take care of it. On the opposite side of the spectrum if you are a parent of a bully you really need to look at yourselves and ask yourself what you are teaching your children. The biggest racists, bigoted, close minded people who I know are all bullies. And they think it’s okay, because no one has ever told them any different. And those who tried to tell them different gave up when they didn’t listen the first time.  And as a parent or a mentor or a trusted adult make sure you do take care of it. I don’t care if you have to go to the ends of the Earth to do so. It is your responsibility.

The girlfriend scenario is a little tougher. Because we don’t know the whole story. But you should teach your children that no other person is worth taking your own life. If someone truly loves you they wouldn’t make you feel worthless or want to break up with you. Cut your losses. There is always something better around the corner. Be there for the kids. Don’t treat them as if it’s nothing because they are young. When you are young every single emotion and feeling is magnified by ten.  And if you are the one doing the break up, there is a kind way to do it. Don’t be a bully in your own right just to get someone back. Find someone else that does make you happy. Show them that way.

And for the last perspective reason. A history of depression. While depression runs rampant around the world it is still hard to physically figure out who is on that fine line between okay and close to the edge. It’s not as hard as you think to put on a fake smile and assure everyone you are okay. Be involved. And people who reach out to you and say they are considering killing themselves:  YOU TAKE THE TIME TO TALK THEM OUT OF IT. It’s such a minimal thing to do to save a human life.  You will never be 100% sure if someone is serious or being a drama queen and you can’t say you are. So, why take the chance?  Look for warning signs. They are there. When people’s attitudes change drastically, it’s a pretty good sign. And that could be even if they go from sad and angry to completely gleeful overnight. It could be a sign they have finally made the decision to end their lives. To end the pain. If they take less pride in their appearances. Ask them why. If their appetites are gone, engage them in the reasons. We are all human beings and we all deserve to be cared about.

Think about this. Think about the one person in the world that you love more than anything, all alone with only a stranger. And your one person was feeling this way. You would wish, and hope, and pray that someone would do these small things for them. So, in that respect, you should do it for others, because you never know whose life will be affected if this life is snuffed out too soon.

It’s an overall easy fix to a staggering problem. Take the time to care. About everyone. And when you’re gossiping maybe think of how the person you are gossiping about would feel if they heard what was being said. I get that people don’t get along with everyone. I do. There are quite a few people I don’t care for. But now I realize that it doesn’t make me feel any better to make them feel worse. It does me no good. And if I stop doing it, it does them no harm either.

I’m tired of losing people to their own hands. Good people, loved people, smart people, mothers, fathers, brothers, sons, daughters, sisters. Everyone is important to someone and if you don’t believe that, come talk to me. I can surely point out your worth.  It’s a sickening trend that’s growing daily. And as most of the bad things we have in life it can be fixed with compassion. Have a little compassion for others.

Don’t be so tied up in your own little world that you can’t help make someone else’s world a little better.

Everyone wants a cure for cancer. And it’s a great goal. But what about a cure for depression when the cure is as easy as taking notice and showing some interest and compassion.

Things may not be as easily taken care of as I have spoken about, and I realize that. But why not try it? If it could save one life it would be worth it. Be involved with your kids. Raise great, compassionate individuals. Start breaking this trend now. Before it’s too late for you or someone you love.

Mellie Out.

Randomly Ranting

Hey everyone, 

Hope everyone’s Sunday is going well and slightly more exciting than mine. I am literally so bored right now that I could be interested in reading a book about underwater basket weaving. I shouldn’t be bored. I have a house that needs cleaned, laundry that needs done, a yard that needs picked up and many other things that I should doing. But nah, let’s kill time with a blog post.

It is now officially Fall here. I am excited for cooler temps, but less excited for the pollen that will undoubtedly be flying soon. I think I am getting an ear infection or something because every so often I get this pang in my right eat that makes me want to rip my ear drum out. Oh well, can’t afford to go to the doctor so I will deal with it.

I can’t afford to do much of anything these days honestly. It’s a damn wonder that my electricity and Internet are still on at this point. I need to really start selling shit to make some cash. I think I will start with the dog. 

Izzy has grown into a beast. And her barks are ear shattering. And her nails will decapitate anyone she comes into contact with. But I can’t afford to get them cut, so bring on the wounds. I keep threatening to make her an outside dog, but the girls and Jason insist that wouldn’t be good. But yet, I am the one who takes her out, cleans her shit, and feeds her. So, I am pretty sure I could do that all outside just as well. Without the messes in the house that she creates. 

Besides the messes in my house, things seem to keep breaking all around me. First it was my toilet wouldn’t flush. Jason finally fixed that after I called a plumber and he knew I was serious about creating a bill. It’s funny what gets done when you threaten to hire someone else to do things. Then my washers  drain pipe would overflow onto my floor. So my little brother went under the house and took all the pipes apart and fixed that. 5 loads later it did the same thing. And here I sit with piles of laundry waiting to be done. Then the bulb on our big screen T.V. decides to blow. This is about the time that I was looking for a hole to crawl into to die. Not only do these things need fixed but we have bills and checks to cover so getting these things fixed will have to wait till God only knows when.

I should have done a Brother Husbands kind of thing. I would have married a plumber, an electrician, a millionaire, and a pretty boy just for the sex. But then I think of Jason, and how he gets sick and whiny and achy and multiply that times 4 and rethink the whole bullshit idea. I would seriously have to commit homicide if I had to deal with that 4 times more than I already do. 

Somethings gotta happen soon. We are drowning in debt. And just in time for the presidents election. Which I could honestly give two shits about. There is no lesser of two evils in this race in my opinion. You want things in this country fixed? Put someone who has never had more then a couple hundred dollars in the bank at one time in office. Someone who has had to eat the same thing for days because that’s all they could afford. Someone who knows what it’s like to say no to their children when they ask for a toy that costs 2 bucks. Put someone in office who is less worried about the obesity rate in America and more worried about the unemployment rate. Although, with less jobs and less money we as Americans are bound to lose weight. Because we won’t be able to afford groceries. 

That’s another thing that pisses me off about politicians preaching at everyone to eat healthy. Have you seen the prices of fresh fruit and veggies lately? Yea, and now go look at a Banquet t.v. dinner that’s chocked full of calories and sodium. It’s 1 dollar. What are you going to eat when you are broke? 1 apple that costs 3 bucks or the t.v dinner that will actually come close to filling you up for 1 dollar. I am fat because I can’t afford to be skinny. And that’s the truth. I don’t have a thyroid problem, or an eating disorder. I have a government disorder. Let me go buy a gallon of juice for 5 bucks, or get 2 liters of sugary syrup for $0.99. Let’s give the tax breaks to the manufacturers of this crap but not the farmers who raise the fresh goods. I could go on and on about this, but I won’t.

I will say something else regarding current events. I keep hearing about the Middle East protests about that film that was made by a Californian director. I haven’t watched it, nor do I intend to watch it. If so many people are up in arms about it and offended by it, it doesn’t  deserve my time. I will tell you that people who are watching it and saying it’s not that bad and they are overreacting have never had their religion crapped on or anything they believed in tested to that extreme. You have seen people burning American flags and bibles and such, but have you ever really stopped and gotten truly offended? If you think other parts of the world are just looking for reasons to hate Americans, maybe as Americans we should stop giving them reasons. When you let these things go and just shake your head when you hear about these things you are truly doing nothing to break these vicious cycles. When you comment negatively or give an opinion about these things you are adding fuel to the fire. But when you call people out on their own ignorance you are starting a brand new cycle of your own. One that promotes enlightenment and unity among the world. Not just Americans. We are not the only people in this world nor are we the best. How can you be the best if you don’t know the rest at all?

Think about it.

Mellie Out.

Happy Hump Day …

Happy Hump Day everyone.

I figured it would be a good time to update the ol’ blog since I have some time. This is a great time, waiting for a plumber, and catching up on my daytime television. I might add, the only reason the t.v. is on is because I can’t find the remote and I am too lazy to get up and turn it off. Some things never change. 

So school has finally started for me. I am almost in the middle of my first class. It’s going really well. I like the professor. Well I like him, I can’t say it’s mutual. I tend to be the distracting one in class who points out mistakes and makes ludicrous comments. Most people in the class don’t really participate or talk during the live lectures, and I really can’t help myself from participating. I want the guy to know someone is listening. The homework started off pretty easy. Something I could finish in a few minutes. 

It’s not anymore. My first class is actually Academic and Career Success. And it just teaches you how to take notes, learning your learning styles, assesses you on your current skills, things like that. All seemingly pretty easy. But here’s the kicker: I am not used to doing things the way someone requires. I do things my way. After two years of writing this blog I was pretty set in my ways. I figured I could ramble at my leisure and spell check it and move on. Not the case. See for example, the sentence before this one  I totally just caught as a sentence fragment and almost fixed it. 

Almost.

But despite the new requirements, I have made straight A’s on the last 5 assignments. All with good comments from the professor. So there I go adapting again. I guess it does come in handy to be so adaptable. I am like a little kid when I get my grades though. Every time I talk to my mom I always tell her about the newest A. Sometimes I even post pics on Facebook of my grades. I did that when I was little too. Well not the Facebook thing, but I ran home and showed my mom first thing. 

Julie and Kenz do that to me now. They are doing so great in school also. They had to stay home one day last week because they had strep and the next day Jules had homework. Keep in mind she is in third grade. So she had to bring home some work to do, and needed help. I actually was great at English and Reading in school. She had Language homework. I told her I could help for sure. I was wrong. Eventually I had to Google terms I had never heard before, and hope to never hear again. Third grade seems a lot harder these days. Or I’ve gotten dumber. Maybe both. She’s doing great though.

And Kenz, well she loves going all day. She is doing great with her work. At least I can still help her with her work. She has had a couple accidents of the potty variety. So I got smart and started sending extra bottoms with her. And apparently she has high standards for her friends this year. She only likes you if you are brown and you have braids. Sorry people, she has spoken. 

Jason is also doing well. Still working like a crazy man. Still groaning about aches and pains daily but never really doing anything about them. And still “forgetting” to do chores that I have asked him to do about a million times. If I didn’t know it was selective listening I would worry that early Dementia was setting in.

I’m still playing X-box as much as possible. I’ve made a couple really good friends. They give me shit and I give it right back. I’ve also met some really big assholes on that game. But such is life. I’ve also met people who only talk to me cause I am a female gamer. Those guys can lick my nuts. I am getting quite the little collection of phone numbers from guys who have no idea what I look like or where I live or who I am. 

Desperate much boys?

I am pretty much only online when I am doing school, or talking to my mom or checking my Facebook. So if you haven’t seen or heard from me lately, have no fear. I am just doing other stuff. If you do want to talk to me it’s better to shoot me a Facebook message. That’s about the only things I check multiple times daily.

Well that is pretty much all that’s going on here. Nothing too new or interesting going on. And I am good with that. I need to call and get the plumbers ass in gear. After that I need to prepare for the girls to get home. And that means I need to enjoy the silence while I can. 

See ya later readers.

Mellie Out

 

Well, well, well…

Well, well, well blog readers. Lots has started and ended since the last time I blogged. The girls have started school. Tomorrow will be their first official full week of school for the 2012-2013 school year. They both love it. I have found though that my youngest angel is a bit of a grump when she is woken up, instead of waking on her own accord. And Jules, well she’s like me. She doesn’t pretend to like the morning and won’t mince words with you when it comes.

Jason’s birthday party happened and with little problems. Most of the people I invited weren’t able to make it, or decided they didn’t want to make it, or didn’t like the location so they didn’t come. But that’s okay. One thing I am known for is silently holding a grudge. And I will remember this when they have something coming up.

The main thing is, the band was great. The people who did come were super appreciated and we were happy to see everyone, and Jason had a great time. He wanted a get together at the bar with beer and great music and that’s what he got. Wish I could have done more for him, but I did what I could.

I unofficially have started college. I am in the process of doing the orientation. They give mock assignments and mock grades based on the mock assignments, so you will know how to participate via online when classes actually start the 19th.

All A’s so far. Even if they are mock, STILL COUNTS!

I really wanted to ask some people if they got anything other than an A, just to boost my ego a little more but I didn’t have the balls. Most of the people who I have met that are taking classes online are 50-somethings who can barely compose an email. So I feel pretty confident in my abilities to excel to the top of my class. One of the questions during a presentation was “Can anyone tell me what a hyperlink is?” REALLY?  My one problem will be my sarcasm and keeping a lid on it. Hopefully my first actual class is a tad more challenging than the presentations.

I will say that APA format  and Power Point were daunting at first. But I think I have maneuvered through it on my own pretty well. I won’t know till classes actually start though, since I don’t feel like my grades are being earned for my perfection. I believe they are being earned just because I knew how to upload to a discussion board without help.

Soon though, I will be able to say I earned my A’s. Or F’s. We shall see. I am going for the Deans List though. That’s a goal. My first actual goal that I set this year. So here goes.

Hmm, what else. I have been pretty bored out of my mind lately. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking dinner. All these things I let go for the summer when I could. Without the kids asking me for something constantly I feel like a loaf of shit just sitting on the couch doing nothing.

Gabe time is kaput. Not happening. I guess we had a break-up of sorts. Not a bad break-up where I hate anyone. Just a growing apart with a touch of finality that means we won’t be reuniting kind of break-up. We still talk through text occasionally. I still love him like family.  Wasn’t my call, so it sucks for me, but whatever. To say I wasn’t utterly bummed and depressed about this change would be me lying. So I am not going to say I wasn’t. I was completely depressed for a while. I wore the smile to give people peace of mind. But it sucked. It still sucks. But that’s life. You have something so great that it’s bound to end. And then you get something good again and the pattern continues.

But those are the times that you look at what you have always had and will always have and take solace in those things. So that’s all I can do.  That and continue to better myself for myself.  And when I continue bettering myself I am bettering myself for the people I love in the process. So it’s a win/win for a people pleaser like myself.

Let me make one thing clear before I start to get the pitying comments. No one is in the wrong with this. What happened was for the purpose of bettering a life. And it has bettered it. I won’t let anyone pity me for losing something that I had a great hand in pushing away for a while. You cannot, and SHOULD NOT talk shit about any one of my friends, regardless of what kind of relationship I have with them now. They are still in my life for a reason, because I want them there. And in regards to Gabe, I always will want him there.  And don’t share my blog so you and your idiot friends can start conspiracy theories on what happened to what you once thought was the greatest friendship ever. You know who you are. And feel free to gloat and say “I told you so.”

Give me a reason to punch you in the faces. Please.

With that said, I am going to go back to my domestic goddess-ness that I do so well lately. I will try to blog soon. I got nothing better to do for 4 days. But we will see.

Mellie Out.

Officially Overwhelmed

I’ve never been the type to take on a lot of things at once. It’s just not my nature. I am lazy and I know it, accept it, and embrace it. So why in the hell did I think I would be okay to throw a birthday party for Jason, enroll in college, and get my two daughters ready for school all at the same time was a smart plan? 

No clue honestly. 

Especially after months of barely getting off my ass. I walk to the kitchen and am winded and exhausted. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I can usually make it to the bathroom before I am winded.

And my anxiety has found my perfect weak moment to overtake me. I know what to do about it, and not to let it cripple me like it has before. I know the drill. 

It still sucks.

Oh well, can’t focus on that shit. Or I will be in a ball on the floor rocking back and fourth helplessly.

Hmm tempting.

The girls are back and in full force from their aunts. I missed them. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t if they left for another week. They have done nothing but yell and fight and cry for the last few days. Adding to my crazy state of mind. 

Jason has been working an ungodly amount of hours for the last couple months. Gabe has too. So the men in my life are more or less MIA. That doesn’t help. 

Now I should look at the good.

It’s official. I am a college freshman. I will have the student loans to pay back in 4 years to prove it. And hopefully the degree. I’m excited, and a little terrified. Lots of what ifs are running through my head right now. But I am going to give it the ol’ college try. (Get it?) 

Jason’s birthday party is tomorrow night. I got the decorations. The band. The people invited. But, again I am a little terrified and excited. And I should add right here that I have the best little brother and almost sister in law ever. I lost my babysitter and they immediately offered to help. They are good people. But I am pretty sure the party is going to be a blast. I hope it is for Jason at least. He deserves a good time. He deserves a lot. But for now this is what I can give him. Publicly anyway. MUAHAHAHA

School starts in 12 days. I will get my days back. My sleeping in is back. And I don’t even have to get up before noon to take Kenz. All day baby!  I need to get their school clothes soon though. Among a billion other things.

I am not sure this is a positive thing, but it’s amusing in the least. I have been having the strangest dreams.  The most amusing being about my older brother and his high school best friend naked in bed together. And my brother was beating his friend for some reason, so I rushed into the room to help the friend and my brother turned on me, and told me he was going to beat my ass and started chasing me through the worlds longest hallway ever. Oh and side note: My brother had the cartoon Roadrunners legs. 

I woke up exhausted and wondering about my mental state. He didn’t catch me though. 

What else? 

Yea that’s about all. That’s my life these days. Oh and add the dog from Hell to that list. She is not a good dog. But I refuse to get rid of her. I am going to tough this one out. Maybe. No, I will.

Alright that’s all I got for now. Hopefully I will have a positive blog Sunday about how fun the party was. 

*Fingers Crossed*

 

Mellie Out

Four! I mean Five! I mean Fire!

Let’s just start this blog with a big FML.

My girls went to Jason’s sister for a week, they left last night. I was missing them a bit. Okay a lot. Wishing something could get my mind off their absence.

I got my wish.

I woke up smelling something. Like burnt plastic, or that smell when you have your lawn sprayed with fertilizing chemicals. Either way I dismissed it for a while. I even mentioned it to Jason when I called him at noon.

The smell got stronger as the day went on. I thought maybe it was just so hot out that the chemicals just smelled stronger. Don’t judge me. It made sense in my head.

Then  Jason comes home and the smell is still there. He agrees he smells it. But he is not alarmed. Not yet anyway.

So the evening progresses. We eat dinner. He plays on the computer. I play on X-box. Complaining every now and again about the headache that the unknown smell has caused. And he gets up and goes to his moms. She wanted to show him something.  I wanted to keep playing my game, so I did.

And not two minutes after he left I hear this POP! from over by the air conditioner, followed by billows of black smoke.

Keep in mind I was playing X-Box. Online. With other people. Talking to other people. So I scream, and yell ”FIRE” to the twelve people I am playing. Why I told 12 people who I don’t know, who live all over the world that there was a fire I do not know. But I didn’t stop to think about that till just now. So I thought I would throw it in there.

So after I create an X-box disturbance, I run heroically and in slow motion to turn off the smoking air conditioner. You know when you had Fire Safety week in school and they told you if there was smoke there’s probably fire and you should get away from it? I must have missed that part. Cause I turned it off, only thinking of the house. I didn’t want my cool shit to burn. Or my X-box game to be ruined, cause I was kicking ass and taking names in that match.

Then I run to my MILs. Flat out run. After not moving for a few weeks I am surprised I am here to blog about that. Fire aside, the running should have killed me. I get to the corner of my MILs house and see Jason standing on her porch, finishing his cigarette and I yell “I NEED YOU HOME, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!” . And came running home with him hot on my heels.

Now in hindsight I realize that the running thing was completely uncalled for, as I have a telephone. And he has his cell phone. But in the heat of the moment (no pun intended) I forgot.

So I run back home and get Izzy. Let her run outside. She’s lovin’ it. Jason tells me to get the car keys so he can move the car, but in the process I grab my prized possessions.

My laptop.

My iPhone.

My pillow.

Jason grabbed his too. His carton of cigarettes. (I later sent him back in for mine)

And he calls the proper authorities. And we go outside. And BAM! The front of my house is a clusterfuck of volunteer firefighter vehicles, the big fire truck, and eventually the ambulance.

The ambulance came because my best friend was on duty and heard my address over the scanner. She’s a keeper.

And thank God I decided to get off my ass today and clean. But it turned out one of outlets had a loose connection or something and fried my A/C. Which is fanfuckingtastic in this heat. But we still had one. No one was hurt. My house is very much still livable.  Just a small scorch on the wall and a melted face plate. Could have been worse.

But in the future on this blog I will try not to make up scenarios like ” If a fire were to happen I am pretty sure I would sit down on the floor and wish it away.”

I guess I still have a will to live.

Helluva way to find out.

Mellie Out.